wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
