Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
