Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
