Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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