i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
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You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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