i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
