So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Come on in and take your pants off
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