My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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