he told me I talked like a deaf person
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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