You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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