i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
