The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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