I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
