I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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