Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
