when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
