have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
