I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
