Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can text with my tongue
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
