he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
