I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im holly from the hills drunk
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
