just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
