how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i barfeds in our rink
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
