Apparently you make a good broom.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
