what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
