He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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