It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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