Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
