What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
then he tried to convert me to islam
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
