i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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