What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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