I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
