Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize