it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
