i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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