Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
