So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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