she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
