he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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