Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
