I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
