Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The air was thick with penises
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
