the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
