did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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