Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you had me at cake vodka
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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