i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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