I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm like, not good at living.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
