Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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