I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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