pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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