and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
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Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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