Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Randomize
