I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
