I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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