i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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