i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
