Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
