quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
