Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
