There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Let's paint friendship bongs
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
