All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
