the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
