Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's blow job season.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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