What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
