There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
