Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
