We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
