I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
