Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
