I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
