I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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