i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
