Im at strip club and am horny
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
