You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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