Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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